24
Jun
08

Why Kanye West Blows (Also: how many different variations of “Douchebag” I can invent)

What I’m listening to right now: Steam Engine by My Morning Jacket

Before I start ranting, here’s a summary of what happened at Bonnaroo: http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/b142905_kanye_booed_bonnaroo.html

Ok, here goes:

Kanye West is the biggest self-absorbed douchebag on the planet. Lets run down what he did here in the name of his own massive ego:

First, he asks for his set to be at 2:45 AM because he has a sick light show planned. I don’t consider this bad because light shows are sweet, especially on acid or shrooms, which in case you don’t know, tend to be pretty popular at Bonnaroo.

Then he asks to be on the main stage. It is important to note here that no one has ever played on the main stage that late at night. No one. Not even Phish. But since he’s a headliner the Bonnaroo people let him.

Here’s where it gets douchy. He’s supposed to go on at 2:45 right? Yea, doesn’t actually go on till 4:30 AM!!! 4:30!!! He makes all the fans wait almost 2 HOURS before gracing them with his presence. I know, I know, Pearl Jam went late, but by all reports, the stage was set up and ready to go, and he still fucking waited.

Now judging from what I’ve heard from people who went to the show, the reason he waited is that Phil Lesh and Friends were playing at that time on a different stage, and Kanye wanted to wait till they were done so he could have all the attention on himself, a typical douche move by someone notorious for his douchitude.

Then when he FINALLY comes out, he doesn’t even address the crowd! Let me explain: at Bonnaroo, its become a “thing” for the crowd to yell “BONNAROOOOOO!!!” and when the band comes out, they usually say, “Whats up Bonnarooooooo!!!!” and the crowd responds with yelling “BONNAROOOOO!!!!” All of them do it. Every. Single. One. Kanye decided he was too good for this tradition because, all together now, he’s a giant douche nozzle. But I can forgive that, its just a little faux paus. What I can’t forgive is not at least apologizing for being so late, maybe say something like, “Hey, sorry for being so late everyone. I promise to make this an awesome show.” There, that’s it, its just that easy!!! (Name that TV reference).

THEN, and I think this is the worst, he finishes his set EARLY!!! The prick not only goes on two hours late, he doesn’t even finish his fucking set!!!! To me, that’s the true sign of a shitty artist. People paid to see you play (or whatever rappers do) and you screw them. That’s like paying a lawn service to mow your lawn and watching them leave after only mowing the front. God dammit I hate douchebags.

Luckily, his various acts of douchery backfired in oh so many wonderful ways. When he came out, everyone booed him mercilously, throwing glow sticks at him and chanting “Kanye Sucks!” Awesome. Oh, and apparently not only is he a douche, he’s also a moron, because by the time he came out, the sun was coming up, and sweet ass light shows don’t exactly look very sweet ass when its FUCKING LIGHT OUTSIDE.

And the last and arguably best way in which his douchitude backfired, is that despite waiting to be the only artist performing so that everyone would be at his show, only roughly 500 people actually stayed till the end. Out of 60,000. Apparently the massive gravitational pull emitting from his ego couldn’t keep them there, maybe because stoners take their music very seriously, and don’t put up with douchebaggery.

Now I have never listened to Kanye, and wasn’t planning to anytime soon, but I will never listen to that douchebag’s music.

Ever.

There. I’m done. I’m gonna go listen to some good music, made by good musicians. Like this:

http://www.rollingstone.com/news/story/20010530/album_preview_my_morning_jackets_evil_urges

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1 Response to “Why Kanye West Blows (Also: how many different variations of “Douchebag” I can invent)”


  1. 1 tom
    August 19, 2008 at 11:11 am

    dude, you forgot one thing… he’s a fucking racist S.O.B. but awesome article my friend it was one of the only ones that I have fully read.


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