Posts Tagged ‘Sports


An Open Letter to the United States Congress

What I’m listening to right now: One Big Holiday by My Morning Jacket

Dear US Congressmen/women,

Get the fuck away from my sports. Yea, you read that right. Leave my sports alone. First it was baseball, then it was football. What’s next? You gonna go investigate the dimple count of every basketball used in the NBA? Actually, forget I said that. You don’t need any more ideas.

Sports are sacred and I don’t want your greasy politician hands ruining them. People love sports because they’re simple. Someone wins and someone loses. Its an out or a hit. A point or not. Its some much needed black and white in a world colored in shades of gray.

Law and politics are a fucking mess. Nothing makes sense. You can have bills calling for clean water and they can be turned down on a technicality. People vote against things because of the people voting for them. Its absolute idiocy. I don’t want any of that kind of crazy tainting my sports.

But its not just that, its also that you have much more important things to be doing with your minimum two years in office. Can’t think of anything? Here, I’ll give you a list:

1. Fix my economy

2. Find something else to run my car so I stop getting fucked at the pumps.

3. End this war in some way, shape, or form. I’m tired of my tax money being spent on this, not to mention I’m tired of seeing good people die.

4. End the war on marijuana. I’m even MORE tired of seeing billions of taxpayer dollars being spent on this irrational and ridiculous vendetta against a plant that’s less deadly than Advil.

There, you have four things you could be working on at this very moment, things that normally could be handled in a couple years, but since you’re in politics will take decades, thus assuring that you will have enough on your plate to keep you busy until you retire.

Yours truly,

Kid Zeppelin


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